Get yer whatsits out!

Just sent two more short story submissions out ... including for my experimental short story ‘Face Scream.’ I decided to push the boundaries of good taste, horror, humour and erotic content to the maximum with that one. My theory is that if you are laughing and aroused at the same time, being offended is more difficult! Sort of a stalking horse so that I can sneak up on the reader and make quite a serious series of points – while catching them reading something a bit wickedly shameful.

I have read various so called erotic horror pieces recently – in the line of research obviously – and was truly dismayed by the poor quality of the writing ... no excuses accepted ... even porn should be well written. The stories were almost all badly paced, containing dreadful, bodice-ripping, euphemism laden language. All in all as literary as a toilet brush and about as likely to ‘turn you on’ as Ann Widdecombe on ‘Strictly.’

If Face Scream makes it into webzine or print ... it will shock. But I guarantee it will entertain ... without a euphemism in sight.

Paste please!

Aggghhhh: why is it that practically every publication you submit to as a short story writer wants slightly different formatting? They all say use ‘standard manuscript’ format and get your hopes up ... then hit you with a list of their ‘special’ requirements. Means you wind up with umpteen versions of the same story, send the wrong one to the wrong damn editor then get a sarcastic ‘didn’t follow our guidelines’ rejection. Microsoft don’t help either ... I need a ‘fussy editor’ template.

It’s a breath of fresh air to get simply ‘paste story into body of e mail’ rather than ‘save in Ancient Insane Penguin (.AIP) format – while standing on one leg and singing Oh For The Wings of a Dove in Swahili!

More short stuff!

Those nice people at State of Imagination the new literary e-zene, will be publishing one of my horror short stories in their first January issue.

The tale is called Interface and gives more than a nod to some of my favourite fifties sci-fi horror B movies.

There was a wonderful era of hope and imagination in fifties horror and sci-fi film making. The Beast Without a Face, Them, The Creature From the Black Lagoon ... the list goes on and on. Then there are those brilliant early Hammer films based on Nigel Kneale’s Quatermass screenplays ... pure gold. These films are a perfect illustration that you don’t need CGI, massive Hollywood stars, or mega budgets to entertain. Atmosphere is everything.

I've got a little one ... and I love it!

I’ve gotten quite addicted to the short story format of late ... having another tale accepted for Flashes in the Dark (out on the 11th of November) has helped I admit. There’s something about distilling plot and characterisation into perfect miniature I love (well my perfect is far from perfection ... but I’m getting there).
It’s funny, but I never realised how many of my favourite tales were actually short stories – or that so many of my favourite films too started as short stories.

Real English spoken here please ...

I despair: I had to go into a government office the other day and talk to a civil servant – well we all have to slum it sometimes – anyway, in conversation with this somewhat officious chappy, I had to ask him to repeat himself over and over again. Now, I don’t think my ear-holes are particularly showing my superannuation, or my neural synapses overly nibbled away by my indulgence in good ale over the years.

The problem is political correctness: employers are able to inflict psychometric tests on potential employees, ask them for proof of their blue-sky, out-of-the-box, run-it-up-the flagpole, team playing credentials. Make them tick all the diverse, mobility challenged, one legged single mother boxes ...yet they forget the main thing:
IN ENGLAND WE SPEAK BLOODY ENGLISH!

I love all ethnicities, really I do. But come on lads and lasses, if you want to work for the British government, lording it over ordinary folks like me, speak the mother tongue okay geezas?